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Is the new Indiana Jones movie any good? PDF Print E-mail
Written by John Howell   
Monday, 26 May 2008
6

Climb into this fridge if you want to live!I've just watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and quite frankly I'm amazed. Firstly I'm amazed that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas could expect anyone to suspend their disbelief at such a level for so long and not either laugh out loud or scream internally. Secondly I'm amazed that a movie with so many plot holes, messy scripting and impossible action sequences is still enjoyable.

Only keep reading if you don't mind spoilers.

Here are a few things Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has taught me: if you happen to stumble onto a nuclear test site, all you have to do to survive is find a fridge, preferably a fridge with the words "Lead lined" written on the outside, pull out a few shelves, jump inside and shut the door. While the following nuclear blast will obliterate the house the fridge is in, and everything around it for miles, you'll be okay because the fridge will launch itself into the sky and rocket itself outside the danger zone entirely. The fridge will land with a titanic thud, but you'll still be able to open the door and walk away with just a few scratches. You'll even have time to watch the mushroom cloud. It's that easy. Forget fall out shelters, people should have been constructing fridges. You'll have to have a long shower afterwards though to wash away the radiation.

Equally, if you're in the jungles of Peru, dangling from a vine, it's quite easy to turn yourself into Tarzan and swing from vine to vine faster than a speeding jeep. You can even overtake a jeep and jump on board. While you're swinging you can simultaneously indoctrinate a group of monkeys to your cause and unleash them on unsuspecting cold war communists (the bad guys in this movie). It's also incredibly easy for two people to stand on two separate jeeps racing through the jungle and conduct a fencing match without falling off or missing a stroke.

Surviving waterfalls is a piece of cake too. If you're in a boat with four others and come across a huge waterfall, don't despair: you can drop off the edge and no one will get hurt, no matter how many rocks there are at the bottom, even if you do this three times in a row and the last drop is bigger than Niagara Falls.

Before we go any further, I do know it's an action film, I know we have to have some suspension of disbelief, but a lot of these scenes are so gigantically silly and outrageously improbable you'd have to suspend everything to stay with the movie's narrative. At least in the last three Star Wars movies Lucas could use "the force" to explain away the improbable bits.

A combination of Lucas' cartoon story telling and Spielberg's desire to always end everything happily no matter the cost to the story makes this a brainless movie viewing experience. Right from the start you know damn well that no "bad character" will survive and no "good character" fail. Even minor good characters are untouchable. As one early review pointed out there is no tension. If a good character in the movie gets fired upon by a truck full of sub machine gun wielding communists they won't get hit, even at point blank range. If they fall off waterfalls they won't die. If they are attacked by Amazonian ants as big as beetles they'll miraculously survive while the bad characters are dragged into giant ant hills screaming (yes, this really is a scene from the movie).

There are aliens though, as the first trailer suggested, crystal skeleton aliens and a massive glowing alien skull. A flying saucer even makes an appearance in the movie's climax. I quite liked the alien bits, especially the dramatic alien infested finale, but I'm a sucker for anything with aliens in it, especially the huge special effect set pieces they usually come with. These are intra-dimensional aliens too. I love those ones.

Indiana explains the aliens in one of the many clunky bits of dialogue that litter the movie. The aliens exist in "the space between spaces" and "their treasure was knowledge," he declares.

A friend of mine pointed out that the aliens in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull look exactly like the ones that appeared in Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Perhaps he had a few alien models gathering dust and thought they should be put to good use?

What really annoyed me though is that I still enjoyed the movie even though a lot of it was silly, nostalgic and massively ridiculous. It was great seeing Indiana Jones back for one final final time (Indiana Jones and the Last Last Crusade?). Although a recent article in The Age newspaper suggests a fifth movie may be on the cards.

Previous Indiana Jones movies were referenced constantly. There were pictures of Sean Connery (Indiana Jones' father in the last movie) and Denholm Elliott (Indianas' pal Marcus Brody in the three previous movies) on his desk. "The Ark of the Covenant" from Raiders of the Lost Ark appeared briefly when a crate was smashed in a warehouse. Best of all, Karen Allen reprises her role from Raiders of the Lost Ark as Marion Ravenwood. Her banter with Indiana Jones about their past relationship and being jilted at the altar was one of the movie's highlights.

Cate Blanchett has a fake black wig and a changeable accent. John Hurt gets only two or three decent lines. Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf) Indiana's young side kick is passable. While Ray Winstone as Mac, a questionable friend from the past, is given very little to work with.

If you had removed the nostalgia value, the special effects and the star power of Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull would have been an improbable, unwatchable mess.

New Indiana Jones movie is dreadful

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: trailer 2 released

Will Indiana Jones encounter aliens in Roswell?

 

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W.T.F.
written by Corey, May 27, 2008
the movie sucked. Plain and simple. Maybe you got your expectations lowered with your original and more accurate post and made yourself ready for a movie that sucked.
The movie stole aspects of a dozen other movies and ripped of concepts from a dozen others. It got to the point where I started anticipating a cameo from Mulder and Scully. Maybe they franchise could have lived on if they wouldn't have waited nearly 20 years... unfortunately a few copy cats came and stole the show, and did so much better than this paycheck flick. A movie is supposed to make you suspend your disbelief and this movie never did. The plot never gain cohesion and I apologize for spoilers here, but from the hiding in a lead fridge to survive an Atomic Blast... to the Even Stevens kid swinging through the trees with 100 CGI monkeys, his character was embarrassing, and even if he is the next "Tom Hanks" the kid still needs to get outta Pull-ups before I will believe him as anything more than a kid in the desert digging holes...
The conclusion to the "climax" was the worst... I couldn't help it anymore... I sat straight up and announced to the audience that if there was a spaceship behind that door I was going to be so pissed.... I got more cheers than the movie. And for the record, I was SO pissed... George, leave the spaceships in star wars... are you really that uninspired? At no time did I feel like this was an Indiana Jones movie... sure Ford was in it... but if it would have been funny I woulda just assumed he hooked up with the Scary Movie guys to do a spoof...
This movie is not how you do Indiana Jones, and is a prime example that Hollywood has lost the ability to dazzle the movie going public with a good story..
The only redeeming thing about this movie is that maybe just like the Star Wars movies that a certain producer killed.... hopefully we wont have to suffer through another Indiana Jones made by the Dynamic Duo of Lucas and Spielberg... Oh how the mighty have fallen.
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good fuckin movie
written by jackson, May 27, 2008
im not gunna lie..i was kinda disappointed with this one, but it was still prett damn good. There are 2 parts with i absolutly despise, one being when the go over the cliff and magically land on a tree.and then other being the alien at the end..it just looked to fake..for the most part it was good effects and alot of fun except for the CGI filled ending
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Worst Summer Movie 08
written by Chiba, May 27, 2008
This was utter trash. Insultingly obvious jokes, plotlines, characters, and situations. The fact that so many are celebrating this ridiculous Disney-theme park ride is because, like every other IP in this country it is being targeted at 12 year olds. It was Back to the Future 5, Indiana's Retirement-meets-another-lame-attempt-to-"pass the torch" like a bad Star Trek movie.
Sword fighting across cars? Blancett embarrassed herself by signing on but I can't blame her performance because that's what the legends wanted, but Shia=boring unbelievable as James Dean, and the "camp" of this film is a departure from the old films. The first Indiana Jones was tongue-in-cheek with it's humor and played with the action-hero formula, this instead is a 50's comic book come to life with one Pirate-of-the-Carib-ride style Hollywood set after another.
Garbage.
Those reviewers who are now celebrating this steaming pile have confused their buttkissing with movie-reviewing.
I could even have lived with the alien-plot line if there weren't multiple "breaks" and "loopholes" in every scene- as mentioned a million times.
People who like characters like Norbit, JarJar, and Jack Sparrow will just LOOOOVVVVEEE this movie, unfortunately those people are the morons that are feeding this ridiculous Hollywood crap-factory.
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Oh dear...
written by BBS, June 02, 2008
Great review, John. I've been considering my response to this film, which, as an avid Indy fan, I've been looking forward to for ages. I've thought long and hard about it, and read heaps of reviews and opinions online. I felt the need to get my thoughts / opinions off my chest, and I thought that here would be a good place to do it. So now, if you'll bear with me, are 17 thoughts (both good and bad) that I've had regarding Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

1. At the beginning of each of the previous films, the mountain in the Paramount logo dissolves into a real-life mountain, whether in the jungle (ROTL) in the desert (TLC) or engraved on a gong in a Chinese nightclub (TOD). Watching the first trailer for the new film, it looked as though this little trademark had been cleverly and creatively reworked, with the mountain in the Paramount logo dissolving into the southern tip of South America! Perhaps this was a hint that there was still some ingenuity, some creative thought, some surprise left in the series. But at the beginning of IJ & TKOTCS, the mountain in the Paramount logo dissolves into a mound of dirt dug up by "cute" CGI Prairie Dogs. Oh dear.

2. I know that a lot of people like the atomic bomb test sequence, but it has nothing to do with the story. It doesn't advance the action in any way whatsoever. The only purpose it seems to serve is to let us know that the noted academic Professor Henry Jones mispronounces the word "nuclear" exactly the same way that George W Bush does. Oh dear.

3. Alan Dale as General Ross (who should more accurately be named "General Exposition"). You can kind of forgive his now-you-hear-it-now-you-don't American accent. (After all, Julian Glover, as Walter Donovan, struggled with his all the way through TLC). And anyway, I can't think of an actor on the planet who could make lines like "Do you know how many medals this sonofabitch has won?" sound good.

4. Poison darts are always poison at both ends. Of course they are - why wouldn't they be?

5. If you're speeding along in the jungle, fighting to get the crystal skull into your car, and you DO get it into your car within the first few seconds of the fight.... definitely keep speeding along and fighting. Don't hit the brakes, don't try to get away with your (not-so) hard won prize. Just keep fighting. Oh dear. Even TOD, with all its dark horror schlock excesses never broke its own rules.

6. Mutt's Tarzan scene. Yes, it is awful, but nowhere near as jaw-droppingly incongruous and embarrassing as Chewbacca's swing (WITH stock Tarzan scream!!) from Return Of The Jedi. And George Lucas kept that travesty in the ROTJ Special Edition, when he had an opportunity to think better of it. So we know what HE thinks is cool/funny.

7. The ending which, according to some online theorists turns IJ&TKOTCS into a Close Encounters prequel. I certainly couldn't pick a significant difference between the alien here and the one in CE3K. I guess it's deliberate. You know what I live in fear of? I live in fear of Steven Spielberg releasing yet another subsequent edition of CE3K, with a brand new scene featuring an 80-year old man in a battered fedora nodding knowingly when the aliens show up. Whoever's standing next to him will say "Aliens!" and the old man in the fedora will say "They're not aliens, kid - they're interdimensional beings." The bystander will say "Are you sure?", and Old Indy will drily say "Pretty sure". I bet George is trying to convince Steven that it's a great idea as we speak.

8. The potential passing of the franchise onto Shia LeBeouf. Although there are precedents for the role of the adventure hero being passed from father to son (I'm thinking of the Phantom comics here) and there are precedents for very long-lived adventure film franchises (I'm thinking of the James Bond films here), George and Steven should let it go. I'm reminded of the scene at the end of TLC, with the Holy Grail. Indy's (temporary) greed has him reaching out for something pure and good which has well and truly achieved all it was meant to achieve. Similarly, Steven and George should conquer their greed and leave well enough alone. "Let it go, Indiana." Besides, somehow I don't think 'Mutt Williams and the Temple of Doom' would look quite as good on a poster.

9. The overlit, unconvincing-looking jungle chase, chock full of CGI. For all Spielberg's talk about wanting to return to doing special effects in camera, about wanting to make this film the old-fashioned way... why? (See also CGI "cute" Prairie Dogs, point 1.) I realise that IJ&TKOTCS deliberately takes its tone more from 1950s B-Grade sci fi movies, than 1930s Republic serials, but does that homage extend to unconvincing back-projection, that looks like putting a car in front of footage of moving trees was all they could afford? Was that technique a knowing filmmaker's tribute to the technology of the 50s? I don't want to let Spielberg off that easily.

10. The tag/punchline at the end of the motorbike chase. Spielberg used to do this post-action, take-a-breath comedy stuff brilliantly. Here, there's a superfluous overblown line from Indy on the exit, along the lines of "If you want to be an archaeologist, get out of the library", and the bombastic soundtrack never stops. The timing is all wrong. Think how much more effective this moment would have been if... the music stopped, everyone looked at each other in silence, and THEN the nerd asked Professor Jones the academic question, which he answers automatically. A bewildered look from Mutt, a business-as-usual look from Indy, then back on the bike, and they're off.

11. I remember when Indiana Jones used to bleed, when he used to get bruised, when he used to be human. Those days are gone now - he's never in any real danger because he never gets truly hurt. (perhaps it was drinking from The Holy Grail in TLC that did it.)

12. When Indy and Marion get trapped in the collapsing sand, and Mutt's desperately looking around for something to pull them out, what he really needed to find was something like a rope, something about ten feet long, something that can hold the weight of a person, something as strong as, say, leather... something like, oh I don't know - a bullwhip, perhaps? Unless I missed something, at this point in the story, Indy should still have had his bullwhip on him (he usually hangs it from his belt). I certainly don't remember the Russians confiscating it from him. I'd be happy to be proven wrong, though.

13. I know I've mentioned the CGI Prairie Dogs twice already, but in addition to the letters "CGI", I'd like to add another three letters of my own... W.T.F.?

But I'd like to end on a positive note, so here are three things about the new movie that I actually thought were really cool.

1. When Indy tells Marion about the problem with the subsequent women in his life "They weren't you, honey". I know it's corny, but it spoke for the audience - couldn't agree more, Indy. Karen Allen's Marion Ravenwood was the original and best, thousands of times better than Kate Capshaw's Willie Scott and Alison Doody's Elsa Schneider, and it was really great to have her back, even though she was woefully under-utilised.

2. Indy promising to break Mac's nose, and then as soon as his hands are untied, he does! Shocked, Mac says "You broke my nose!" Indy replies "Told ya". I saw this as a moment where the great, laconic, no-nonsense Indy we know and love made a welcome return. An action hero who's a man of action, a man of few words, a man as good as his word. Classic stuff.

3. I thought some of the design elements of the temple at the end were truly beautiful. Striking and imaginative doors, booby traps, staircases etc. Really great to behold.

4. Perhaps my favourite moment in the film takes place in the opening set piece in the warehouse. Mac in is the passenger seat of a car driven by a Russian soldier; they're speeding head-on towards Indy, who's driving a truck at them. They're playing chicken. Indy accelerates. Mac says to the Russian "Don't get clever, Boris - you don't know him." Boris calls Indy's bluff, and accelerates towards the truck. Mac is getting scared - his warnings become panicked. "You don't know him! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM!" The music reaches a crescendo, the cars crash, Indy escaping at the last minute, using his heroic ingenuity. I loved this. It was early on in the film - we, the audience, are just settling in, and that simple line of dialogue:
(A) heightened the tension,
(B) Revealed more about Mac's character (Even though he's Indy's sidekick, he knows not to underestimate Indy's resourcefulness and courage),
(C) Revealed a little bit about the arrogant attitudes of the Russian soldiers as villains, and
(D) Reminded us, the audience, Indy's fans, that WE DO KNOW HIM... and we're enjoying looking forward to what he's going to pull out of the box this time.
It feels pretty weird writing this next phrase when discussing IJ&TKOTCS, but I reckon THAT line is an example of excellent screenwriting.

And I think that's about all I wanted to say. I feel well and truly purged now, and I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I do reckon that there's a fair bit to enjoy in this film. But I also remember first hearing about the film and thinking "after 19 years, and all those rejected scripts, this one really has to take it to a new level."
Because you can't really mount the argument that a fourth Indiana Jones film after 19 years is, in any way - what's the word? - necessary.
Ah well, never mind.

One last thing. At the risk of confirming my total tragic, obsessive-compulsive Indiana Jones fanboy tendencies...
You know the exchange when Mutt asks "You're a teacher?!" and Indy relies "Part-time"? Yeah, well I preferred the take of the line "Part-time" that they used in the first trailer, to the one that ended up in the film. Oh dear.
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i liked it
written by Drew, June 17, 2008
but i thought Indy and his dad had eternal life after the last crusade. oh well. fine movie.
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Ridiculously good fun
written by Gerard , June 17, 2008
I think John's rating of 6/10 is spot on for this movie. The latest Indiana Jones is utterly ridiculous fun and to its credit doesn't once take itself seriously. There’s absolutely no point doing a deep analysis of it – it has no substance and was never intended to have any. Complaining about its implausibilities or that its plot line is obvious would be like ordering a Big Mac and complaining that it's junk food. Of course it is! There's nothing new in this movie, but then again it's the same old Indie we (mostly) enjoyed in the earlier movies.
To Chiba who thinks this is the worst Summer movie of 08 – have you seen The Happening yet?
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Shockingly bad
written by dunc, July 27, 2008
I could nit-pick this movie all afternoon which would be unfair - it is what it's meant to be - a fun, undemanding adventure. Sure there are a lot of plot holes - the pointless nuclear testing scene, the inability of any of the bad guys to hit a barn door with a bullet from 10 feet away, the survival of 3 waterfalls... the very obvious studio floor lighting in the first "outdoor" scene... the magivcally vanishing and re-appearing bullwhip...

But my biggest bugbear was with the crystal skull itself. It's made of crystal. It's heavy. Yet throughout the film it gets thrown around (especially during the jeep chase/sword fight) like a sack of feathers.. or maybe it's some alien space-age polymer super-lightweight crystal, George...?

In short, I didn't feel like I'd seen an Indiana jones movie so much as watch some kid playing a computer-game version of one.

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